The Dreaded Question

It's a question all of us have faced before, at one time or another. It is a loaded question; the basis on which our entire character is often judged. It is not a question to be answered lightly.

It's a question which sets my heart racing and my blood pounding in my ears. It leaves me confused, panicked, slightly ashamed. And it can happen anywhere on the bus, in the pub, with a stranger on the street. It lies on the edge of peoples minds, the tip of their tongues, always at risk of spilling out, inflicting it's pain on you. You can never let your guard down. You can never rest easy.

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It's a question which normally goes something like this: "So, what do you do?"

The horror! How to respond? A shrug of the shoulders and an apologetic smile are normally the most I can manage. But that will not suffice for the question gremlins.

"Surely you must do something ?"

They're right. Of course I do something. In fact, I do lots of things. Over the last few years I've lived overseas, completed a bachelors degree, a masters, a couple of internships, become a teacher, worked in a publishing house, and written a book. I've learned more about myself than I ever would have going straight into a job. But that does not seem to be enough. My past is a jumble of disjointed projects. I've flitted between tasks, searching for something I am not quite sure of yet. Something unknown and out of sight.

What is it I'm looking for? What am I running away from? My life at home is ideal. I have the best, most supportive family anyone could ever ask for, friends who have stuck with me my entire life (despite my misgivings). I have everything I could ever want, and yet I yearn for more.

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Footnotes

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Posted in Health and Medical Post Date 05/09/2020


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